But Kofos Holds on to Win The Marshall Insurance Grand Slam of Golf
Georgetown, MA - Dave Trull breezed around his home course to win the CFC Frostbite Masters, but veteran positioner Nick Kofos played just well enough to secure the necessary points to win the lucrative Marshall Insurance Grand Slam of Golf. Trull used 3 birdies and 2 double bogies while recording a gross 81 to shoot a Calloway net score of 73. Kofos cruised to a gross 94, net 75, to grab a tie for second place and just enough points to grab the Grand Slam title. Tied with Kofos at net 75 were George Santos, gross 88 and Paul Murray, gross 119 and an even dozen golf balls lost. Log jammed in 5th place at net 76 were Brian Braveman, gross 99 and Lost Boy Mike Connolly, gross 125 and several wrong turns. Trull was humble in victory, "I was on my home course and was able to play aggressively," said the Black Swan Director of Golf. "I knew Kofe was going to play conservatively to hang on to his mighty lead in the Marshall, and he did that masterfully," he added. The Frostbite was played in ironic 80 degree temperatures in scenic Georgetown and all participants enjoyed their day on the course. Kofos was awarded nothing, yet, for his series win, from the representatives of Marshall Insurance, Peter Marshall, CEO and Jeff Hoisington, coffee fetcher, who were both unable to attend. Kofos vowed to get something out of the two would be insurance moguls. "I will be in downtown Marlboro on Thursday morning to find them at their corporate headquarters," snorted the victorious Greek. "They will not stiff me like they stiffed Dave Horne last year," he vowed.
Here are the final point totals for the 2016 Marshall Insurance Grand Slam of Golf.
N Kofos 229.5 points
T Wing 137
Z Kofos 22
all others 0
After the golf concluded the Annual Fall Meeting and Banquet was held at the Pub 97, home of 97 burgers, in Groveland. The 6 golfers were joined by hard working Dave Mendes for a variety of burgers and beers. As a challenge, bartender extraordinaire Brittany made each golf order their burgers by name and number. The low mental capacity septet struggled with this challenge, but eventually 7 unique burgers were ordered. Each burger came out perfectly and were wolfed down by the famished crew. CFC buffoon John Whiting texted in his heartfelt regrets for missing the meeting due to work commitments, but his faux sincerity was blasted by all at the table.
Eventually the Fall Business Meeting was called to order. The official agenda amounted to 8 motions, all from Kofos, hastily chicken scratched on an old memo pad. All were given (somewhat) serious consideration and voting was done using the CFC EC Electoral College vote allotment system. Here is the rundown:
1. Return to Roman Numeral scoring of the CFC. Tabled due to lack of a second.
2. Suspend Dave Horne from all CFC activities for a period of one year for his actions in 2016. Failed 205.5 to 133.
3. Suspend John Whiting from all CFC events for a period of one year for his actions in 2016. Amended to read 'for 365 days effective July 29, 2016.' Passed 337.5 to 0.
4. Expel John Whiting from the CFC Executive Committee for an indefinite period with no automatic reinstatement for his actions in 2016. Passed 337.5 to 0.
5. No longer refer to John Whiting as "Doctor", for a period of one year. Tabled due to lack of a second due to concerns about legal issues.
6. Get an independent prosecutor appointed to find out what happened to the still missing Ugly Purple Shirt II. Amended to read "have Special Prosecutor Wing find out . . . by July 28, 2017.' Passed 337.5 to 0.
7. Return to Roman Numeral scoring of the CFC. Tabled again due to lack of a second.
8. Consider a Ryder Cup format for a future golf event. Amended to read 'Have Nick Kofos chair a subcommittee to do that, with a NH location likely.' Passed 337.5 to 0.
9. Added at 4:14 PM, by Dave Mendes, 'Make Whiting apologize at a future event for his actions in 2016, not in a rap and under one minute, at a future CFC venue, and to be available for a role playing event at a club in Portland within the next year.' Passed 337.5 to 0.
10. Added at 4:21 PM, by Brian Braveman, 'Have Dr. Murray remind Whiting on the first day of every month, starting on January 1, 2017, to request the day off for the CFC and that every CFC member should email Whiting to remind him of the same on a regular, if not daily, basis.' Passed 337.5 to 0 .
No further (serious) motions were made and the meeting was adjourned at 4:39 PM.
Respectfully submitted by