Other People and Things Go Mysteriously Missing
Gray, ME - On a day where several people and things could not be found, Nick Kofos found the golf form he last possessed 10 years ago and pulled off an amazing victory at The 14th Annual CFC. Amongst the missing were several CFC stalwarts and the tournament trappings, some without a trace or clue of their whereabouts. For Kofos, the freakiness of the Friday started right from the start, when he arrived at Cole Farms for the breakfast meeting almost 20 minutes early. Many CFC regulars could not believe their eyes. It became apparent once on the course that Kofos was a man on a mission. He strode to the first tee with great confidence and made an impressive on 7 on the hole. He followed that up with a string of bogies with a pair of 8's sandwiched in. He was clearly building the foundation early for a large Calloway handicap. His front nine score was a familiar and foreboding 50. Once on the back side, where Kofos does his best work, Kofe became a steady bogey machine, and carded a perfectly pedestrian 45. His total of 95, with a net 73 Calloway, put him in a four way tie with Long Ball Dave Mendes, Quick Draw John McGraw and the stunned John Lertora. The tie breaker for The Cab Calloway Scoring System© is the gross score, and Kofos' 95, bested the 97 of Mendes and the 100+ scores of McGraw and Lertora.
Following the four way tie for first there was a four way tie for 5th at net 74 between Tom Wing, Robert Roy, Brian Braveman and newcomer Steve Krager. Then there was another four way tie for 9th at 75 featuring Dave Trull, Bob Bissen, Participant of the Year Don Walker and Paul Murray. A final four way tie for 13th place at 76 involved former champs Brad Smith and George Santos, along with Jack Danahy and Steve Bosworth. Kofos should have been presented the Ugly Purple Shirt II, the Highly Coveted Silver Cauldron and the Gaudy Greek Golden Lion belt, the traditional tournament trappings, but alas they were not on hand. Defending CFC Champion and holder of the triad Dave Horne, was a mysterious no show at this years event. As of press time there is no new news on the whereabouts of Horne and more importantly the hardware.
Also missing from this year's CFC were long time CFC Sergeant at Arms Mike Connolly who is still recovering from a suspicious surgery and his doctor will not allow him to travel north more than 50 miles, CFC buffoon John Whiting who could not attend because he somehow forgot to take the day off from work, CFC Webmaster Jeff Hoisington who had an foreseen crisis prevent him from leaving Massachusetts and newcomer Tom Whorton, a cousin of Santoya's who had "some issues" at the border. Kofos took it all in stride and accepted a large plastic trash barrel from CFC co-founder Dave Trull as a substitute award and smiled for all of the cameras.
After a brief celebratory session on the Spring Meadows back porch, and the taking of the official photo in parking lot by an innocent bystander named Polly, the crew was off to Lewiston. The banquet meal went off without an error as all of the food from Luiggi's was prepared and delivered with 100% accuracy thanks to the management skills of Mendes and Kofos. The beer was flowing and the seating was plentiful in the late afternoon at the Lewiston landmark. After a couple hours of revelry, it was time to go around the corner to the La Cage. The festive celebrants walked in to see several familiar faces. Deb was proudly tending bar was presented her Kofie award by Kofe without an accurate explanation and Hole was conducting business at his usual table. There was no sign of Sox official scorekeeper Kevin, but word amongst the regulars that he was angry about an undisclosed issue.
More beer was poured and the crew spread out over the spacious sputum splattered confines of the dive bar. An impromptu shuffle bowling contest broke out in the back room. With minimal organization offered by Kofos, the finals of the contest came down to the 2 oldest rivals - Trull and Kofos. Trull swept Kofos in the best of finals, preventing the Greek from becoming the first man to win both events on the same day. A game of darts was invented with one dart (sharp items are discouraged at La Cage), some pool was played and Golden Tee Golf was attempted by golfers who had failed hours earlier on a real golf course. The rock band Ruckus pulled up in their custom truck and trailer, and began setting up near the bar for what no doubt promised to be a loud night of rock 'n roll.
Before the celebration was over, Kofos had to chug the small tumbler of Jack Daniels as the winner always does. With no sign of owner Randy LaPlante, Trull did the presenting honors. Kofos proudly chugged the whole beverage and turned his glass upside down on the counter. With that, the official activates were concluded. The CFC crew spilled out on to Ash Street just before sunset on a beautiful July night. With the would be cathedral in the background and dozens of Lewiston denizens out on their porches, it was clear that the prefect ending to a freakish Friday had been found. Even with important people and artifacts amongst the missing, the day still went on and was enjoyed by all in attendance. This after all was the basic premise on which the CFC had been founded 13 years ago by Kofos, Trull and Mendes; a full day to be enjoyed. And now years later, with 5 CFC championships in hand, Kofos could bask in the Lewiston sunset for a fifth time.